September 16, 2012

Chris Matthews’ {coded} Messages!

Chris Matthews’ {coded} Messages

Conservative Republican post about liberal news media bias and a satirical interview with Chris Matthews of MSNBC infamy.



Interview With MSNBC's Chris Matthews

The Objective Journalist Himself!


We are lucky to have with us today Chris Matthews of MSNBC. Welcome, Chris.





[BLEEP] you, 



I don’t understand, Chris. Why so hostile? We’ve barely spoken!




Because you’re a racist!


Wait! How’d you get that?!




Welcome,” Chris? “WELCOME?!” Are you kidding me?!

INTERVIEWERI’m afraid I still don’t understand.

MATTHEWS: Oh, don’t play dumb; you can’t get your coded messages past me. You knew exactly what “welcome” means when you used it.

Do you think I’m stupid?


MATTHEWS: You know very well that using the word “welcome” is racial coding – and not very discreet on your part, I might add.

It traces straight back to segregation and the many signs posted all over this country at public bathrooms and restaurants and stores that read “Blacks Not Welcome.”

There’s your “welcome,” racist. As if you didn’t already know; I only say it for the benefit of the audience you’re trying to brainwash.

INTERVIEWERAre you referring to segregation and all the Black Codes and Jim Crow Laws enthusiastically instituted by Democrats for over 165 years of American history? The ones Republicans tried unsuccessfully to abolish?

MATTHEWS: That’s revisionist history. Never happened.

INTERVIEWERWell it’s documented in thousands of articles, books, history books, encyclopedias...the Congressional Record...

MATTHEWS: Every single writer who wrote that garbage is a liar.

INTERVIEWERWho’s behind this vast, concerted...conspiracy...I guess you could call it?


INTERVIEWERBut aren’t those usually combat operations?

MATTHEWS: Well, this one's not “kinetic” YET!

INTERVIEWERSo, these hundreds – no, thousands – of writers are lying or wrong, and you alone are right?

MATTHEWS: [Exasperated sigh] Of course! Wait a minute? Did you say, “are right?” Was that another one of your coded messages?!


MATTHEWS: You asked for it: it was undeniably a naked attempt to link me with the radical, right-wing, extremist, racist, violent Tea Party mob.


MATTHEWS: There’s NO doubt. But you’re attempt was a dumb idea: it won't stick.

INTERVIEWERAnyyy-waaay,...let me go back to my introduction of you at the start. I think you’re overestimating my thought process; I really, really only wanted to welcome you to the show – that’s it!

MATTHEWS: Yeah, save it for a gullible person. I won’t have my intelligence insulted here or on any show, so don’t even try.

INTERVIEWERI’m not sure one has to try.


INTERVIEWERMaybe it’s best we move on.

MATTHEWS: I can see why. Good idea – for your sake.

INTERVIEWERSo, Chris, you’re telling us you have a unique ability to detect coded messages in seemingly straightforward statements?

MATTHEWS: It’s a gift.


MATTHEWS: Hell no! From Government! Wow! You are impossible! What IS your problem?

INTERVIEWERMoving right along; can anyone else detect these coded messages?

MATTHEWS: Well, for the ones that aren’t blatantly obvious, no. But for the sneakier ones, only I have this ability.

In fact, I was just listening to some Beatles albums this morning, and all I can say is,...HOLY [BLEEP!], Charles Manson was RIGHT!!

But I believe a gift should not go wasted, so I’ve made it my role to expose the less-apparent coded messages that only I have the ability to detect.

They're like a dog whistle.

Like when they say I’m “in the tank” 

for Obama. Clever, but not by enough.

or: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">


Do go on...




It’s blindingly obvious to anyone – not just to me – this time – that this phrase is a naked attempt to link President Obama with gas prices.

However, average people are oblivious to the majority of these coded messages, but they are receiving them loud and clear at a subconscious level. They are being programmed without realizing it.

It's a vast conspiracy to create a sort of race of “zombies” who mindlessly believe things that aren’t true and who will “sleep walk” into the voting booths this November and vote however the racists and Republicans want them to.

Well, I’ve got a warning for these perpetrators: Not on my watch!


Fascinating...please, continue...




I’ve heard the calling, the obligation, and I must hold vigil over every media outlet in this Country. Yesterday, I tried to storm the set of Fox News, but I was dragged out of the building by their fascist, racist, Nazi security thugs.

Sadly, there were no cameras to catch it, but you should have seen me; I was SO good! When Fox’s “heavies” were removing me, I went limp and dragged my feet like any good protestor should, and the whole time I was shouting “The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!

Now they’ve got a lawsuit on their hands.


But with thousands of news media outlets all across this Country – newspapers, magazines, radio, 24-hour television news networks – how can one man possibly take it upon himself to hold vigil over such a vast establishment?




Well, I don’t get much sleep. I’m very sleep deprived.


That could explain a lot.











Where what?




I though you said you spotted a racist!


Actually, I was trying to rouse you. You were asleep.




No I wasn’t! I don’t have the time!



One what?!






Chris, that’s a water cooler.


INTERVIEWERChris, that’s a wooden stool.

Hey Chris, do you need a moment? We can work in a commercial break.

MATTHEWS: Hell no! I’m good to go!

INTERVIEWEROhhhhh-kayyy. So then, you were the subject of a YouTube video that went viral. You and four others were “interviewing,” if that’s the right term–

MATTHEWS: –No, that's actually “Racially Clean.” I’m actually shocked at you; but then again, you know what they say about a broken clock.

INTERVIEWERI meant the accurate term; but, nonetheless, there were five interviewers for a segment on MSNBC that was supposed to be an interview with Reince–

MATTHEWS: –Priebus! Grrrr! What a white bread cracker he is and – it goes without saying – a racist! What a little elitist that punk is! Who the hell has a name like Reince Priebus, anyway?

INTERVIEWERUm,...Reince Priebus?

MATTHEWS: Whatever.” His middle name is “Belvedere,” you know.

INTERVIEWERReally? How do you know that’s true?

MATTHEWS: I said it, didn’t I?

Now if you’d let me CONTINUE!!,.....when he’s not delegating every one of his duties to someone else at the RNC, the little punk’s at home in front of his mansion sitting in an Adirondack chair, wearing a tennis sweater and sipping fresh-squeezed lemonade served by a member of his assemblage of African-American “domestics.”

INTERVIEWERHow do you know all that?

MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.

INTERVIEWERHow do you know it’s true?

MATTHEWS: Because I know.

INTERVIEWERHow do you know?

MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.

INTERVIEWERHow do you know it’s true?

MATTHEWS: Because I know.

INTERVIEWERHave you seen him doing this?

MATTHEWS: I don’t need to.

INTERVIEWERThen how do you know it’s true?

MATTHEWS: Because I know.

INTERVIEWERHow do you know?

MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.

INTERVIEWERHave you ever heard of the Scientific Method? –Scratch that. I see where this is going. Let’s try one more time to advance this discussion.

MATTHEWS: Wait a second: “I see where this is going”? WHAT?! You are SUCH a pedantic [Bleep]-hole! You’re not worthy of my company. Why don’t you leave?

INTERVIEWERMy own studio?

MATTHEWS: That’s right.

INTERVIEWERI don’t see the need for you to be so angry and “uppity.”

MATTHEWS: Boy, you are SO lucky I’m white when you used that word – actually both words.

INTERVIEWERBoy, I guess so.

MATTHEWS: Oh my God – I mean Gosh – please tell me you didn’t just use the word “boy.”

INTERVIEWERBut you just used it yourself.

MATTHEWS: That’s because I can! You CAN’T!

INTERVIEWER[Sigh] Hey Chris, might I suggest you compose a “Politically Correct” and “Racially Clean” lexicon of approved words. Maybe call the book “Chris Matthews’ Dictionary of Approved & Unencoded English Words.”

MATTHEWS: Pah! Thanks a bunch for the suggestion, Mr. Racist, but I’m so far ahead of you; I’m almost finished what you just suggested.

And it’s not a book, for your information, it’s a pamphlet; and I’m almost done.

INTERVIEWERHow many pages is this pamphlet?



MATTHEWS: NO! I TOLD YOU, I’m almost finished! Why don’t you listen for a change instead of filibustering and talking over your guests all the time?!


It’ll be about three-and-three-quarters pages in length. Oh – including the front and back covers.

INTERVIEWERI’m almost afraid to ask, but is the word “the” contained in your pamphlet?

MATTHEWS: Dream on, racist. I can’t believe this...this is not happening...

INTERVIEWERChris, Chris, if I may give you a little professional, even friendly advice, somehow you have become so irrational and have lost any sense of proportionality that you’ve gone from someone who, whatever his political leanings, could conduct himself in a fairly objective manner, into a completely unreasonable person who seems to lack any degree of self-awareness.

And by your actions, you are now the “poster child” for Liberals and Democrats and the Liberal Media.

Since your transmutation, you’ve become a caricature of yourself, a cartoon, a stereotype, a clown who no one takes seriously.

You're singularly validating each and every criticism people have of Liberals and the Liberal Media. But fortunately for them, as I said, no one takes you seriously anymore.

If I’m wrong on that, you’re doing harm to every Liberal and Democrat in this Country. You’re setting back your own cause and helping your enemies, whoever they are, exactly.

MATTHEWS: What’s that? I wasn’t listening. Could you repeat all that?

INTERVIEWERI said...on second thought,...I’re doing a great job, and just keep doing what you’re doing.

MATTHEWS: Sorry, but I don’t accept compliments from racists.

INTERVIEWERHonestly, I have to say, Chris, I thought we were going to have a calm, composed conversation about the 2012 presidential race, but we couldn't even resolve my introduction of you. I wasn’t looking today for a unilateral shouting match–

MATTHEWS: –Because you’re losing, that's why.

INTERVIEWERWell, I didn’t really engage you on par, but losing a shouting match with Chris Matthews is something I don’t necessarily consider to be to anyone’s discredit.

MATTHEWS: WAIT, WHAT?! What's that supposed to mean?!

INTERVIEWERApply your gift.


INTERVIEWERBut to continue what I was saying, I was hoping for a cool-headed, dignified interview–

MATTHEWS: –Woah! Woah! Did I just hear you use the word “dignified”?

INTERVIEWER[Sigh] Let me guess: more racial coding?

MATTHEWS: Don't ask rhetorical questions.

I don’t need to tell you this, so this is for your unwitting audience: undeniably, your use of the word “dignified” was coding for–

INTERVIEWER–Chris...Chris, I’m afraid we’ve run out of time for this segment.

MATTHEWS: Oh, is that right? Sure! I believe you. How conveeeenient! You’re just talking over me and cutting me off, something I would never dream of doing to my guests.

INTERVIEWERActually, this segment has run long.

MATTHEWS: Yeah, and I believe that, too.

INTERVIEWERWell, just the same, Chris Matthews...“Thanks, I think”...

MATTHEWS: Yeah, [BLEEP] you, you racist, homophobe, religious bigot, woman-hating, woman-killing, elderly-killing, education-killing, water and air polluting, child-starving, foreign colonialist, and...let me think...

INTERVIEWERWow! I had no idea I had such power!

Well Chris, it’s really been a thrill,” and I’ll grant you this: this time there really was a coded message in that phrase.

MATTHEWS: No there wasn’t I would know.

But don’t let that make you think for a second that I didn’t catch EVERY SINGLE ONE of your many coded messages.

[Cuts to a 100% positive and truthful Obama ad]


(Matthews: And that is an objective assessment.”
Really, Chris?! Really?! Come on!)

You can see Chris in action (for real

&nbsp) detecting

 CoDed MesSagEs&nbsp” everywhere he can by watching thisYouTube Video:

Wow! Now In This One, he makes Keith Olbermann actually look reasonable!

Quite an achievement!

Chris, should you be on medicine?! Or off medicine?!

GREAT NEWS! More Fictional/Satirical/Mock/Faux interviews with
MSNBC's Chris Matthews to come!

Also, Fictional/Satirical/Mock/Faux interviews with the ever-insightful Janeane Garofalo

and Keith Theodore Olbermann to come!

Help us out!

“Like” us on facebook, and list us on StumbleUpon!

Blatant Liberal Media Bias!

And all of these babies:


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