Very few white people know – accurately, anyway – what the term “cracker” means when it is directed by a minority, most often an African American, toward a Caucasian person.
Overcoming my resistance to putting numbers on things, I surmise that ≈99% of white people do not know the true meaning of the term, as intended by those who use it other than to describe a thin, crisp biscuit.
Non-creepy-ass cracker
Whipped with proficiency by a cracker
No it doesn’t, because in truth, the etymology of the term cracker appertains to a centuries-old stain on American history – slavery – where an oppressive slave owner would for most any reason administer lashes with a livestock whip to slaves, or as the expression goes, would “crack the whip.”
So, a “cracker” suggests an oppressor of, most commonly, African Americans.
It can be argued that it is an insult, but it is not a racial epithet by itself.
I’ve asked pretty much every white person I know what they believe the term cracker means, and the responses vary little: “It’s a racist term referring to the color of a white person’s skin – you know, white, like a saltine cracker(?),” is a semblance of the most common response.
The misunderstanding is understandable.
But when this widespread lack of understanding is shamefully exploited in a court of law by a team of lawyers trying to make a jury believe that a now deceased person who used the word during an…incident...is himself a racist, that is repugnant, inexcusable, indefensible, beneath contempt.
Click or touch photo for unimaginable but true news story
If you understand how African Americans use the term cracker and the N-word, you’ll no longer be confused by how Trayvon Martin could refer to George Zimmerman as a cracker in one sentence and then refer to him by the N-word in the next.
It’s because these terms, when used by many African Americans, with their understanding of what the words mean in their vernacular, are not racist terms in and of themselves.
Cracker may be used as a criticism, in the sense that it may be used to call a white person a racist – or at least oppressive. It would be similar to an African American, feeling particularly mistreated by a certain person, sarcastically addressing that person as “Masser,” like was said by the character “Mammy” in “Gone With the Wind.”
I’ve been blessed to have many good friends in my life, including some African American friends. “Stevie G” was a laugh-a-minute. He would have me in stitches.
“Peanut” could freestyle as well as or better than most platinum record selling multi-millionaire Hip Hop and rap artists.
Royce was as good-looking as the handsomest GQ cover boy and had a personality to match. (It goes without saying that he…“had a way with the ladies.”)
Javon was an astonishingly gifted singer, chosen to sing, a cappella, at his high school graduation ceremony.
“Blub” was a quiet, soft-spoken, gentle “teddy bear” of a guy, but whenever he broke his silence, he would succinctly encapsulate what others would take paragraphs to communicate (less effectively).
I observed no racism whatsoever from any of them in years of knowing them and spending time with them. They used the N-word constantly to refer to each other or to another person in the same way many white people use the word “dude.”
I admit it was alarming at first, when they would use the N-word in reference to me – a ghostly pale, anemic, Irish Caucasian American – until I understood that to them, it simply meant “dude.”
They’d say to me, “What’s good, my [N-word]?” Or, perhaps, “Take it from me, [N-word], don’t loan that [N-word] a dime.”
I came to understand, it was no different than a white person saying, “Take it from me, dude, don’t loan that dude a dime.”
There was one example I remember, that many will feel is an exception to my earlier statement about never observing any racism from any of my friends who were African American – that is, until they read how the story ends.
Once, Blub got a job and received hearty congratulations from us all. But he quit just over a week later.
When asked why he quit, Blub said, “Because my boss was a cracker.”
Blub’s boss was African American.
The once “Fourth Estate” is undeniably extinct. The term “Liberal Media” has become redundant.
Showing posts with label racist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racist. Show all posts
July 13, 2013
George Zimmerman: “Creepy-ass cracker”
In my experience, most white people think they know what the term means, or they’re sure they know what it means, but are in fact wrong.
Oh, and you’ll find abundant claims all over the Internet that cracker is a racial slur and does in fact refer to a saltine. You know, the Internet – what with its vast outlying areas of indiscretion and inaccurate or untruthful information.
But ask yourself, is a saltine cracker the whitest food item a person could come up with? Actually, they’re not very white at all. And what about Ritz® crackers? Graham Crackers? Does any of this even make sense?
November 26, 2012
September 16, 2012
Chris Matthews’ {coded} Messages!
Chris Matthews’ {coded} Messages
Conservative Republican post about liberal news media bias and a satirical interview with Chris Matthews of MSNBC infamy.
Fictional/Satirical/Mock
/Faux/
Interview With MSNBC's Chris Matthews
The Objective Journalist Himself!
INTERVIEWER:
We are lucky to have with us today Chris Matthews of MSNBC. Welcome, Chris.
MATTHEWS
:
>Yeah,
[BLEEP] you,
RACIST!
INTERVIEWER:
I don’t understand, Chris. Why so hostile? We’ve barely spoken!
MATTHEWS
:
Because you’re a racist!
INTERVIEWER:
Wait! How’d you get that?!
MATTHEWS
:
“
Welcome,” Chris? “WELCOME?!” Are you kidding me?!
INTERVIEWER: I’m afraid I still don’t understand.
MATTHEWS: Oh, don’t play dumb; you can’t get your coded messages past me. You knew exactly what “welcome” means when you used it.
Do you think I’m stupid?
INTERVIEWER: I’m lost.
MATTHEWS: You know very well that using the word “welcome” is racial coding – and not very discreet on your part, I might add.
It traces straight back to segregation and the many signs posted all over this country at public bathrooms and restaurants and stores that read “Blacks Not Welcome.”
There’s your “welcome,” racist. As if you didn’t already know; I only say it for the benefit of the audience you’re trying to brainwash.
INTERVIEWER: Are you referring to segregation and all the Black Codes and Jim Crow Laws enthusiastically instituted by Democrats for over 165 years of American history? The ones Republicans tried unsuccessfully to abolish?
MATTHEWS: That’s revisionist history. Never happened.
INTERVIEWER: Well it’s documented in thousands of articles, books, history books, encyclopedias...the Congressional Record...
MATTHEWS: Every single writer who wrote that garbage is a liar.
INTERVIEWER: Who’s behind this vast, concerted...conspiracy...I guess you could call it?
MATTHEWS: CIA Black Ops.
INTERVIEWER: But aren’t those usually combat operations?
MATTHEWS: Well, this one's not “kinetic” – YET!
INTERVIEWER: So, these hundreds – no, thousands – of writers are lying or wrong, and you alone are right?
MATTHEWS: [Exasperated sigh] Of course! Wait a minute? Did you say, “are right?” Was that another one of your coded messages?!
INTERVIEWER: You tell me.
MATTHEWS: You asked for it: it was undeniably a naked attempt to link me with the radical, right-wing, extremist, racist, violent Tea Party mob.
INTERVIEWER: Really?
MATTHEWS: There’s NO doubt. But you’re attempt was a dumb idea: it won't stick.
INTERVIEWER: Anyyy-waaay,...let me go back to my introduction of you at the start. I think you’re overestimating my thought process; I really, really only wanted to welcome you to the show – that’s it!
MATTHEWS: Yeah, save it for a gullible person. I won’t have my intelligence insulted here or on any show, so don’t even try.
INTERVIEWER: I’m not sure one has to try.
MATTHEWS: WAIT, WHAT?!
INTERVIEWER: Maybe it’s best we move on.
MATTHEWS: I can see why. Good idea – for your sake.
INTERVIEWER: So, Chris, you’re telling us you have a unique ability to detect coded messages in seemingly straightforward statements?
MATTHEWS: It’s a gift.
INTERVIEWER: From God?
MATTHEWS: Hell no! From Government! Wow! You are impossible! What IS your problem?
INTERVIEWER: “Moving right along”; can anyone else detect these coded messages?
MATTHEWS: Well, for the ones that aren’t blatantly obvious, no. But for the sneakier ones, only I have this ability.
In fact, I was just listening to some Beatles albums this morning, and all I can say is,...HOLY [BLEEP!], Charles Manson was RIGHT!!
But I believe a gift should not go wasted, so I’ve made it my role to expose the less-apparent coded messages that only I have the ability to detect.
They're like a dog whistle.
Like when they say I’m “in the tank”
for Obama. Clever, but not by enough.
or: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
INTERVIEWER:
Do go on...
MATTHEWS
:
It’s blindingly obvious to anyone – not just to me – this time – that this phrase is a naked attempt to link President Obama with gas prices.
However, average people are oblivious to the majority of these coded messages, but they are receiving them loud and clear at a subconscious level. They are being programmed without realizing it.
It's a vast conspiracy to create a sort of race of “zombies” who mindlessly believe things that aren’t true and who will “sleep walk” into the voting booths this November and vote however the racists and Republicans want them to.
Well, I’ve got a warning for these perpetrators: Not on my watch!
INTERVIEWER:
Fascinating...please, continue...
MATTHEWS
:
I’ve heard the calling, the obligation, and I must hold vigil over every media outlet in this Country. Yesterday, I tried to storm the set of Fox News, but I was dragged out of the building by their fascist, racist, Nazi security thugs.
Sadly, there were no cameras to catch it, but you should have seen me; I was SO good! When Fox’s “heavies” were removing me, I went limp and dragged my feet like any good protestor should, and the whole time I was shouting “The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!”
Now they’ve got a lawsuit on their hands.
INTERVIEWER:
But with thousands of news media outlets all across this Country – newspapers, magazines, radio, 24-hour television news networks – how can one man possibly take it upon himself to hold vigil over such a vast establishment?
MATTHEWS
:
Well, I don’t get much sleep. I’m very sleep deprived.
INTERVIEWER:
That could explain a lot.
MATTHEWS
:
[Zzzzzz...]
INTERVIEWER: Hey, Chris? CHRIS?!
MATTHEWS
:
WHAT?! WHAT?! WHERE?!
INTERVIEWER:
Where what?
MATTHEWS
:
I though you said you spotted a racist!
INTERVIEWER:
Actually, I was trying to rouse you. You were asleep.
MATTHEWS
:
No I wasn’t! I don’t have the time!
THERE’S ONE!
INTERVIEWER:
One what?!
MATTHEWS
:
RACIST!
INTERVIEWER:
Chris, that’s a water cooler.
MATTHEWS: THERE’S ANOTHER ONE!
INTERVIEWER: Chris, that’s a wooden stool.
Hey Chris, do you need a moment? We can work in a commercial break.
MATTHEWS: Hell no! I’m good to go!
INTERVIEWER: Ohhhhh-kayyy. So then, you were the subject of a YouTube video that went viral. You and four others were “interviewing,” if that’s the right term–
MATTHEWS: –No, that's actually “Racially Clean.” I’m actually shocked at you; but then again, you know what they say about a broken clock.
INTERVIEWER: I meant the accurate term; but, nonetheless, there were five interviewers for a segment on MSNBC that was supposed to be an interview with Reince–
MATTHEWS: –Priebus! Grrrr! What a white bread cracker he is and – it goes without saying – a racist! What a little elitist that punk is! Who the hell has a name like Reince Priebus, anyway?
INTERVIEWER: Um,...Reince Priebus?
MATTHEWS: “Whatever.” His middle name is “Belvedere,” you know.
INTERVIEWER: Really? How do you know that’s true?
MATTHEWS: I said it, didn’t I?
Now if you’d let me CONTINUE!!,.....when he’s not delegating every one of his duties to someone else at the RNC, the little punk’s at home in front of his mansion sitting in an Adirondack chair, wearing a tennis sweater and sipping fresh-squeezed lemonade served by a member of his assemblage of African-American “domestics.”
INTERVIEWER: How do you know all that?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: Have you seen him doing this?
MATTHEWS: I don’t need to.
INTERVIEWER: Then how do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: Have you ever heard of the Scientific Method? –Scratch that. I see where this is going. Let’s try one more time to advance this discussion.
MATTHEWS: Wait a second: “I see where this is going”? WHAT?! You are SUCH a pedantic [Bleep]-hole! You’re not worthy of my company. Why don’t you leave?
INTERVIEWER: My own studio?
MATTHEWS: That’s right.
INTERVIEWER: I don’t see the need for you to be so angry and “uppity.”
MATTHEWS: Boy, you are SO lucky I’m white when you used that word – actually both words.
INTERVIEWER: Boy, I guess so.
MATTHEWS: Oh my God – I mean Gosh – please tell me you didn’t just use the word “boy.”
INTERVIEWER: But you just used it yourself.
MATTHEWS: That’s because I can! You CAN’T!
INTERVIEWER: [Sigh] Hey Chris, might I suggest you compose a “Politically Correct” and “Racially Clean” lexicon of approved words. Maybe call the book “Chris Matthews’ Dictionary of Approved & Unencoded English Words.”
MATTHEWS: Pah! Thanks a bunch for the suggestion, Mr. Racist, but I’m so far ahead of you; I’m almost finished what you just suggested.
And it’s not a book, for your information, it’s a pamphlet; and I’m almost done.
INTERVIEWER: How many pages is this pamphlet?
MATTHEWS: Four.
INTERVIEWER: So far?
MATTHEWS: NO! I TOLD YOU, I’m almost finished! Why don’t you listen for a change instead of filibustering and talking over your guests all the time?!
[Huff!]
It’ll be about three-and-three-quarters pages in length. Oh – including the front and back covers.
INTERVIEWER: I’m almost afraid to ask, but is the word “the” contained in your pamphlet?
MATTHEWS: Dream on, racist. I can’t believe this...this is not happening...
INTERVIEWER: Chris, Chris, if I may give you a little professional, even friendly advice, somehow you have become so irrational and have lost any sense of proportionality that you’ve gone from someone who, whatever his political leanings, could conduct himself in a fairly objective manner, into a completely unreasonable person who seems to lack any degree of self-awareness.
And by your actions, you are now the “poster child” for Liberals and Democrats and the Liberal Media.
Since your transmutation, you’ve become a caricature of yourself, a cartoon, a stereotype, a clown who no one takes seriously.
You're singularly validating each and every criticism people have of Liberals and the Liberal Media. But fortunately for them, as I said, no one takes you seriously anymore.
If I’m wrong on that, you’re doing harm to every Liberal and Democrat in this Country. You’re setting back your own cause and helping your enemies, whoever they are, exactly.
MATTHEWS: What’s that? I wasn’t listening. Could you repeat all that?
INTERVIEWER: I said...on second thought,...I said...you’re doing a great job, and just keep doing what you’re doing.
MATTHEWS: Sorry, but I don’t accept compliments from racists.
INTERVIEWER: Honestly, I have to say, Chris, I thought we were going to have a calm, composed conversation about the 2012 presidential race, but we couldn't even resolve my introduction of you. I wasn’t looking today for a unilateral shouting match–
MATTHEWS: –Because you’re losing, that's why.
INTERVIEWER: Well, I didn’t really engage you on par, but losing a shouting match with Chris Matthews is something I don’t necessarily consider to be to anyone’s discredit.
MATTHEWS: WAIT, WHAT?! What's that supposed to mean?!
INTERVIEWER: Apply your gift.
MATTHEWS: Oh, YOU!
INTERVIEWER: But to continue what I was saying, I was hoping for a cool-headed, dignified interview–
MATTHEWS: –Woah! Woah! Did I just hear you use the word “dignified”?
INTERVIEWER: [Sigh] Let me guess: more racial coding?
MATTHEWS: Don't ask rhetorical questions.
I don’t need to tell you this, so this is for your unwitting audience: undeniably, your use of the word “dignified” was coding for–
INTERVIEWER: –Chris...Chris, I’m afraid we’ve run out of time for this segment.
MATTHEWS: Oh, is that right? Sure! I believe you. How conveeeenient! You’re just talking over me and cutting me off, something I would never dream of doing to my guests.
INTERVIEWER: Actually, this segment has run long.
MATTHEWS: Yeah, and I believe that, too.
INTERVIEWER: Well, just the same, Chris Matthews...“Thanks, I think”...
MATTHEWS: Yeah, [BLEEP] you, you racist, homophobe, religious bigot, woman-hating, woman-killing, elderly-killing, education-killing, water and air polluting, child-starving, foreign colonialist, and...let me think...
INTERVIEWER: Wow! I had no idea I had such power!
Well Chris, it’s really been a “thrill,” and I’ll grant you this: this time there really was a coded message in that phrase.
MATTHEWS: No there wasn’t – I would know.
But don’t let that make you think for a second that I didn’t catch EVERY SINGLE ONE of your many coded messages.
[Cuts to a 100% positive and truthful Obama ad]
[END]
(Matthews: “And that is an objective assessment.”
Really, Chris?! Really?! Come on!)
Blatant Liberal Media Bias!
Thanks !
Fictional/Satirical/Mock
/Faux/
Interview With MSNBC's Chris Matthews
INTERVIEWER:
We are lucky to have with us today Chris Matthews of MSNBC. Welcome, Chris.
MATTHEWS
:
>Yeah,
[BLEEP] you,
RACIST!
INTERVIEWER:
I don’t understand, Chris. Why so hostile? We’ve barely spoken!
MATTHEWS
:
Because you’re a racist!
INTERVIEWER:
Wait! How’d you get that?!
MATTHEWS
:
“
Welcome,” Chris? “WELCOME?!” Are you kidding me?!
INTERVIEWER: I’m afraid I still don’t understand.
MATTHEWS: Oh, don’t play dumb; you can’t get your coded messages past me. You knew exactly what “welcome” means when you used it.
Do you think I’m stupid?
INTERVIEWER: I’m lost.
MATTHEWS: You know very well that using the word “welcome” is racial coding – and not very discreet on your part, I might add.
It traces straight back to segregation and the many signs posted all over this country at public bathrooms and restaurants and stores that read “Blacks Not Welcome.”
There’s your “welcome,” racist. As if you didn’t already know; I only say it for the benefit of the audience you’re trying to brainwash.
INTERVIEWER: Are you referring to segregation and all the Black Codes and Jim Crow Laws enthusiastically instituted by Democrats for over 165 years of American history? The ones Republicans tried unsuccessfully to abolish?
MATTHEWS: That’s revisionist history. Never happened.
INTERVIEWER: Well it’s documented in thousands of articles, books, history books, encyclopedias...the Congressional Record...
MATTHEWS: Every single writer who wrote that garbage is a liar.
INTERVIEWER: Who’s behind this vast, concerted...conspiracy...I guess you could call it?
MATTHEWS: CIA Black Ops.
INTERVIEWER: But aren’t those usually combat operations?
MATTHEWS: Well, this one's not “kinetic” – YET!
INTERVIEWER: So, these hundreds – no, thousands – of writers are lying or wrong, and you alone are right?
MATTHEWS: [Exasperated sigh] Of course! Wait a minute? Did you say, “are right?” Was that another one of your coded messages?!
INTERVIEWER: You tell me.
MATTHEWS: You asked for it: it was undeniably a naked attempt to link me with the radical, right-wing, extremist, racist, violent Tea Party mob.
INTERVIEWER: Really?
MATTHEWS: There’s NO doubt. But you’re attempt was a dumb idea: it won't stick.
INTERVIEWER: Anyyy-waaay,...let me go back to my introduction of you at the start. I think you’re overestimating my thought process; I really, really only wanted to welcome you to the show – that’s it!
MATTHEWS: Yeah, save it for a gullible person. I won’t have my intelligence insulted here or on any show, so don’t even try.
INTERVIEWER: I’m not sure one has to try.
MATTHEWS: WAIT, WHAT?!
INTERVIEWER: Maybe it’s best we move on.
MATTHEWS: I can see why. Good idea – for your sake.
INTERVIEWER: So, Chris, you’re telling us you have a unique ability to detect coded messages in seemingly straightforward statements?
MATTHEWS: It’s a gift.
INTERVIEWER: From God?
MATTHEWS: Hell no! From Government! Wow! You are impossible! What IS your problem?
INTERVIEWER: “Moving right along”; can anyone else detect these coded messages?
MATTHEWS: Well, for the ones that aren’t blatantly obvious, no. But for the sneakier ones, only I have this ability.
In fact, I was just listening to some Beatles albums this morning, and all I can say is,...HOLY [BLEEP!], Charles Manson was RIGHT!!
But I believe a gift should not go wasted, so I’ve made it my role to expose the less-apparent coded messages that only I have the ability to detect.
They're like a dog whistle.
Like when they say I’m “in the tank”
for Obama. Clever, but not by enough.
or: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
INTERVIEWER:
Do go on...
MATTHEWS
:
It’s blindingly obvious to anyone – not just to me – this time – that this phrase is a naked attempt to link President Obama with gas prices.
However, average people are oblivious to the majority of these coded messages, but they are receiving them loud and clear at a subconscious level. They are being programmed without realizing it.
It's a vast conspiracy to create a sort of race of “zombies” who mindlessly believe things that aren’t true and who will “sleep walk” into the voting booths this November and vote however the racists and Republicans want them to.
Well, I’ve got a warning for these perpetrators: Not on my watch!
INTERVIEWER:
Fascinating...please, continue...
MATTHEWS
:
I’ve heard the calling, the obligation, and I must hold vigil over every media outlet in this Country. Yesterday, I tried to storm the set of Fox News, but I was dragged out of the building by their fascist, racist, Nazi security thugs.
Sadly, there were no cameras to catch it, but you should have seen me; I was SO good! When Fox’s “heavies” were removing me, I went limp and dragged my feet like any good protestor should, and the whole time I was shouting “The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!”
Now they’ve got a lawsuit on their hands.
INTERVIEWER:
But with thousands of news media outlets all across this Country – newspapers, magazines, radio, 24-hour television news networks – how can one man possibly take it upon himself to hold vigil over such a vast establishment?
MATTHEWS
:
Well, I don’t get much sleep. I’m very sleep deprived.
INTERVIEWER:
That could explain a lot.
MATTHEWS
:
[Zzzzzz...]
INTERVIEWER: Hey, Chris? CHRIS?!
MATTHEWS
:
WHAT?! WHAT?! WHERE?!
INTERVIEWER:
Where what?
MATTHEWS
:
I though you said you spotted a racist!
INTERVIEWER:
Actually, I was trying to rouse you. You were asleep.
MATTHEWS
:
No I wasn’t! I don’t have the time!
THERE’S ONE!
INTERVIEWER:
One what?!
MATTHEWS
:
RACIST!
INTERVIEWER:
Chris, that’s a water cooler.
MATTHEWS: THERE’S ANOTHER ONE!
INTERVIEWER: Chris, that’s a wooden stool.
Hey Chris, do you need a moment? We can work in a commercial break.
MATTHEWS: Hell no! I’m good to go!
INTERVIEWER: Ohhhhh-kayyy. So then, you were the subject of a YouTube video that went viral. You and four others were “interviewing,” if that’s the right term–
MATTHEWS: –No, that's actually “Racially Clean.” I’m actually shocked at you; but then again, you know what they say about a broken clock.
INTERVIEWER: I meant the accurate term; but, nonetheless, there were five interviewers for a segment on MSNBC that was supposed to be an interview with Reince–
MATTHEWS: –Priebus! Grrrr! What a white bread cracker he is and – it goes without saying – a racist! What a little elitist that punk is! Who the hell has a name like Reince Priebus, anyway?
INTERVIEWER: Um,...Reince Priebus?
MATTHEWS: “Whatever.” His middle name is “Belvedere,” you know.
INTERVIEWER: Really? How do you know that’s true?
MATTHEWS: I said it, didn’t I?
Now if you’d let me CONTINUE!!,.....when he’s not delegating every one of his duties to someone else at the RNC, the little punk’s at home in front of his mansion sitting in an Adirondack chair, wearing a tennis sweater and sipping fresh-squeezed lemonade served by a member of his assemblage of African-American “domestics.”
INTERVIEWER: How do you know all that?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: Have you seen him doing this?
MATTHEWS: I don’t need to.
INTERVIEWER: Then how do you know it’s true?
MATTHEWS: Because I know.
INTERVIEWER: How do you know?
MATTHEWS: Because it’s true.
INTERVIEWER: Have you ever heard of the Scientific Method? –Scratch that. I see where this is going. Let’s try one more time to advance this discussion.
MATTHEWS: Wait a second: “I see where this is going”? WHAT?! You are SUCH a pedantic [Bleep]-hole! You’re not worthy of my company. Why don’t you leave?
INTERVIEWER: My own studio?
MATTHEWS: That’s right.
INTERVIEWER: I don’t see the need for you to be so angry and “uppity.”
MATTHEWS: Boy, you are SO lucky I’m white when you used that word – actually both words.
INTERVIEWER: Boy, I guess so.
MATTHEWS: Oh my God – I mean Gosh – please tell me you didn’t just use the word “boy.”
INTERVIEWER: But you just used it yourself.
MATTHEWS: That’s because I can! You CAN’T!
INTERVIEWER: [Sigh] Hey Chris, might I suggest you compose a “Politically Correct” and “Racially Clean” lexicon of approved words. Maybe call the book “Chris Matthews’ Dictionary of Approved & Unencoded English Words.”
MATTHEWS: Pah! Thanks a bunch for the suggestion, Mr. Racist, but I’m so far ahead of you; I’m almost finished what you just suggested.
And it’s not a book, for your information, it’s a pamphlet; and I’m almost done.
INTERVIEWER: How many pages is this pamphlet?
MATTHEWS: Four.
INTERVIEWER: So far?
MATTHEWS: NO! I TOLD YOU, I’m almost finished! Why don’t you listen for a change instead of filibustering and talking over your guests all the time?!
[Huff!]
It’ll be about three-and-three-quarters pages in length. Oh – including the front and back covers.
INTERVIEWER: I’m almost afraid to ask, but is the word “the” contained in your pamphlet?
MATTHEWS: Dream on, racist. I can’t believe this...this is not happening...
INTERVIEWER: Chris, Chris, if I may give you a little professional, even friendly advice, somehow you have become so irrational and have lost any sense of proportionality that you’ve gone from someone who, whatever his political leanings, could conduct himself in a fairly objective manner, into a completely unreasonable person who seems to lack any degree of self-awareness.
And by your actions, you are now the “poster child” for Liberals and Democrats and the Liberal Media.
Since your transmutation, you’ve become a caricature of yourself, a cartoon, a stereotype, a clown who no one takes seriously.
You're singularly validating each and every criticism people have of Liberals and the Liberal Media. But fortunately for them, as I said, no one takes you seriously anymore.
If I’m wrong on that, you’re doing harm to every Liberal and Democrat in this Country. You’re setting back your own cause and helping your enemies, whoever they are, exactly.
MATTHEWS: What’s that? I wasn’t listening. Could you repeat all that?
INTERVIEWER: I said...on second thought,...I said...you’re doing a great job, and just keep doing what you’re doing.
MATTHEWS: Sorry, but I don’t accept compliments from racists.
INTERVIEWER: Honestly, I have to say, Chris, I thought we were going to have a calm, composed conversation about the 2012 presidential race, but we couldn't even resolve my introduction of you. I wasn’t looking today for a unilateral shouting match–
MATTHEWS: –Because you’re losing, that's why.
INTERVIEWER: Well, I didn’t really engage you on par, but losing a shouting match with Chris Matthews is something I don’t necessarily consider to be to anyone’s discredit.
MATTHEWS: WAIT, WHAT?! What's that supposed to mean?!
INTERVIEWER: Apply your gift.
MATTHEWS: Oh, YOU!
INTERVIEWER: But to continue what I was saying, I was hoping for a cool-headed, dignified interview–
MATTHEWS: –Woah! Woah! Did I just hear you use the word “dignified”?
INTERVIEWER: [Sigh] Let me guess: more racial coding?
MATTHEWS: Don't ask rhetorical questions.
I don’t need to tell you this, so this is for your unwitting audience: undeniably, your use of the word “dignified” was coding for–
INTERVIEWER: –Chris...Chris, I’m afraid we’ve run out of time for this segment.
MATTHEWS: Oh, is that right? Sure! I believe you. How conveeeenient! You’re just talking over me and cutting me off, something I would never dream of doing to my guests.
INTERVIEWER: Actually, this segment has run long.
MATTHEWS: Yeah, and I believe that, too.
INTERVIEWER: Well, just the same, Chris Matthews...“Thanks, I think”...
MATTHEWS: Yeah, [BLEEP] you, you racist, homophobe, religious bigot, woman-hating, woman-killing, elderly-killing, education-killing, water and air polluting, child-starving, foreign colonialist, and...let me think...
INTERVIEWER: Wow! I had no idea I had such power!
Well Chris, it’s really been a “thrill,” and I’ll grant you this: this time there really was a coded message in that phrase.
MATTHEWS: No there wasn’t – I would know.
But don’t let that make you think for a second that I didn’t catch EVERY SINGLE ONE of your many coded messages.
[Cuts to a 100% positive and truthful Obama ad]
[END]
(Matthews: “And that is an objective assessment.”
You can see Chris in action (for real
 ) detecting“ CoDed MesSagEs ” everywhere he can by watching thisYouTube Video:
Wow! Now In This One, he makes Keith Olbermann actually look reasonable!
Quite an achievement!
Chris, should you be on medicine?! Or off medicine?!
Quite an achievement!
Chris, should you be on medicine?! Or off medicine?!
GREAT NEWS! More Fictional/Satirical/Mock/Faux interviews with
MSNBC's Chris Matthews to come!
Also, Fictional/Satirical/Mock/Faux interviews with the ever-insightful Janeane Garofalo
and Keith Theodore Olbermann to come!
and Keith Theodore Olbermann to come!
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